Sucks To Be You
by QueenOfTheSeaMonkeys
Summary: Portman and Connie switch bodies. How will my two fave ducks handle spending time as the opposite sex? Please please please read and review!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: The ducks belong to Disney and Steven Brill.  
  
A/n: Hey, this is just a story I came up with after seeing Freaky Friday and The Hot Chick. Hope you like it. Oh, yeah. Connie/Portman is Portman in Connie's Body and Portman/Connie is Connie in Portman's body.  
  
Sucks To Be You  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"LOOK OUT!"  
  
Not heeding their team mates' warnings, Connie Moreau and Dean Portman continued skating and collided head on with each other, ending up sprawled, flat on their backs on the ice.  
"Shit!" exclaimed Charlie as he and the other concerned ducks skated up and formed a rough semi circle around the two.  
"Are they dead?" asked Averman vulnerably, lips quivering, eyes wide.  
"I don't think so." Said Fulton slowly, wrinkling his nose, nudging Connie not so gently with his foot. She groaned and brought a hand to her forehead.  
"See!" gloated Fulton smugly with a grin. "Yeah, well, what about him?" Mumbled Goldberg, gesturing to Portman whose body showed no immediate signs of life.  
Charlie bent down and shook him slightly, causing him to stir slightly. Connie's eyes flickered open and she sat up slowly, her head light and dizzy. Fulton thrust a hand down to help her, but Connie ignored it and stood up groggily. She looked up and down her big, toned muscly arms, brought her hand up to her stubbly chin and then finally ran her fingers through her short, spiky.SHORT SPIKY HAIR???  
"Aaargh" she tried to scream but it came out low and manly. "Portman chill!" exclaimed Fulton.  
"Portman?" Connie whispered eyes wide as she looked down at the other figure that was now stirring.  
Dean Portman opened his eyes and found himself within inches of Guy's concerned face. "Sweetie are you ok" asked Guy, gently tipping up his chin up. Portman looked up at him for a moment, a look of pure horror contorted on his face before regaining back the composure he'd lost in the fall. He shoved Guy roughly aside.  
"Guy, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Guy shrunk back, looking a little bit hurt. Portman passed this off with a shrug and he rubbed his forehead, eyes focusing on the guy standing directly in front of him.  
It was a tall, bulky guy, wearing entirely black, staring back at him, wide eyed and open mouthed. It was.It was HIM!  
"What the HELL?" Portman exclaimed, stumbling backwards a little. He put a hand to the back of his head, thinking that maybe the fall had affected him more than he thought and found himself holding a fistful of long silky brown hair. "WHAT!' he yelped again.  
"I'm.I'm" he trailed off. Connie stared back at well.herself.  
"I'm, I'm, I'm you, and you're.me" she whispered in a shocked realisation.  
Portman began to breathe heavily and stammered loudly in disbelief "I." He stopped and looked down at himself, a grin beginning to slowly spread on his face. He looked up at Portman/Connie again, eyes twinkling.  
"Hey cool, I have boobs!" By this point, the other ducks were under the impression that they had sub consciously strayed into the local loony bin, well.either that or that Portman and Connie were on some serious drugs.  
"Uhh, what's going on?" demanded Charlie Portman and Connie gulped. "I mean, uhh, you guys must have hit your heads pretty bad there, you better go sit down for a while" he gestured hesitantly at the penalty box.  
Connie and Portman nodded quickly and skated off awkwardly, while the remaining ducks continued with their practice.  
When they reached the penalty box, Portman/Connie grabbed the front of Connie/Portman's Jersey.  
"Portman, what the HELL is going on? Why are we.I'm YOU!" Connie/Portman grinned "I know, this is like beyond weird, ah well, may as well make use of the situation, I feel like having a long.hot.NAKED shower" He laughed as she began pummelling him.  
"Hey cool it, I'm know for a lot of things, I don't want girl bashing to be added to the list"  
Portman/Connie glared at him.err, her. "Yeah? Well then no showers, there shall be nakedness, not even a teeny tiny little hint of nakedness while you're in my body!"  
Connie/Portman lifted his hand in a mock salute "Aye aye captain, I shall certainly rush home and have a bubble bath"  
Portman/Connie rolled her eyes. "But seriously, what the hell are we going to do?"  
Connie/Portman looked perplexed (or constipated if you looked at it from a certain angle) for a moment. "Well, it's obvious, we can't tell anyone, I mean the chances of anyone believing us are about the same as the chances of Goldberg becoming the poster child for weight watchers."  
Portman/Connie snorted a laugh as Connie Portman continued. "So.I'm thinking we have to 'BE' each other for as long as it takes to get out of this mess, it's screwed up, I know, but I don't see what else we can do"  
Portman/Connie sighed; feeling defeated "Yeah.I guess we have no other choice"  
"Hey are you guys coming? Practice is over" yelled Adam from the other end of the ice. Connie/Portman yelled "Yeah, hold on" He was about to stand up when Portman/Connie grabbed him again.  
"You better be a damn good actor Portman" she growled menacingly. He grinned back at her smugly. "Relax Connie, I've got it all in control, I was a tree in my second grade play you know"  
Portman/Connie rolled her eyes and mumbled sarcastically as they stood up and skated off towards the team "Oh, well that makes me feel ever so much better about this situation, it really truly does"  
  
To be continued...  
  
A/n: Please review and tell me what you thought!!!!!! 


	2. Chapter 2

Sucks To Be You: Chapter 2  
  
Disclaimer: Steven Brill and Disney own the Mighty Ducks.  
  
A/n: Thank you so much for the reviews, I seriously really appreciate them, I'm glad you like my story. For any confusion it might have caused (Don't worry 'banksiesbaby99' your not the only one!), once again Portman/Connie is Connie in Portman's body, and Connie/Portman is Portman in Connie's body. Here's the chapter:  
  
Portman/Connie sighed and groaned as she entered Portman's small room in the Eden Hall dormitories.  
She stared around at the dirty, wrinkled clothes strewn about messily on the floor, the unmade bed, the posters of half naked girls in provocative positions on the walls. She wrinkled her nose, suddenly becoming aware of a strong, musky smell in the room.  
She groaned again, and sat down on the bed, lip quivering. After she and Portman had switched bodies, the day had gone on without too many dramas. After a brief talk, they had agreed to go back to each others respective houses and sleep on it, then meet up early in the morning the next day, Saturday, and work on a way they could get out of this. Until then, she was, "I'm Dean Portman, from Chicago Illinois" she uttered, her sarcastic tone dripping with absolute disgust.  
She stood up, sighing deeply and walked over to the chest of drawers, intent on finding something to sleep in for the night. She yanked open the bottom drawer and pulled out...  
"PLAYBOY?!" she exclaimed disgustedly, staring down at the magazine in her hand. "Ok, I'll rephrase that, I'm Dean Portman, the sick, sick, bastard from Chicago Illinois"  
Suddenly a soft knock sounded at the door and Portman/Connie yelped in surprise. She dropped the magazine on the bed as the door creaked open and Luis Mendoza's head popped in.  
"Hey Portman, do you" He trailed off, eyes focusing on the magazine lying on the bed. He looked up at Portman/Connie, then back down at the magazine, a slow, coy grin spreading on his face. He nodded his head approvingly, "Ahh, pulling out the porn eh?"  
He sauntered into the room, closing the door behind him, slipping a hand down his own pants. "I think I'll join you"  
Portman/Connie shrank back horrified, wide-eyed. "EWW, Luis what the FUCK, is wrong with you? Get your icky hand, out of your icky pants, that is the ICKIEST thing I have EVER"  
It was now Portman/Connie's turn to trail off; Luis had quickly yanked his hand out of his pants and was now staring at him, a weird look on his face, eyebrows raised. Portman/Connie now realized her mistake. She glanced around wildly before grabbing the magazine and flicking through it.  
"I mean, uhh, I need some time, umm, alone, with the luscious ladies that I find oh so sexually arousing, because I'm Portman, I'm manly, I am the manliest of the manly"  
In a last show of desperation, Portman/Connie raised her arms and flexed her large muscles with a grunt.  
Luis nodded slowly, the weirded out look never leaving his face. "Umm, ok, I think I'll go now, see you tomorrow"  
Luis walked out, shutting the door behind him and Portman/Connie sighed with relief. She flung the magazine into a corner and lay down on the bed, head in hands.  
She sat up suddenly after a little while, a disturbing, yet intriguing thought entering her mind.  
"It wouldn't be wrong to just take, a teeny tiny peek would it?" she thought aloud, looking down, her brow furrowing.  
"No, not even a look, just a glance, just a quick general glance" She reached down with a hand and gripped the waist band of Portman's pants. She pulled on it slightly and bent her head down to look when  
'BRRING BRRING' Portman/Connie jumped as the ring tone from Connie/Portman's mobile sounded. She couldn't move for a second from the shock of what she had been about to do, half of her glad that she had been distracted from it.  
'Bring bring' She sighed and grabbed Portman's back pack from the floor and fumbled around for the phone.  
"Hello?" Nobody replied, all she heard was a loud sobbing noise.  
"Err, Hello?" "Connie, I have a problem" It was Connie/Portman, only, he was bawling his eyes out, she could barely make out what he was saying.  
"What? Is everything ok?" For a few moments all she heard were heart wrenching sobs, but then.  
"Connie, I uhh, I umm I think I'm, I mean, you're, there's something wrong with me" He started sobbing again and Connie's heart began to race wildly.  
Portman swallowed the large lump in his throat and continued, an endless stream of tears running down his cheeks.  
"I uhh, I had to go to the bathroom, and I uhh" he paused as another sob wrenched his body.  
"And I saw, that my uhh, I mean, your undies were, soaked in, they were, they were soaked in blood" he stuttered, now unable to continue.  
Portman/Connie smiled gently, smothering a laugh. "Portman, you're gonna have to calm down, there's nothing wrong with you"  
Connie/Portman stopped sobbing and whispered "There's not?" "No" she replied gently. "Congratulations Portman, you just became a woman"  
"Huh?" "You got your period" "Oh" he replied shortly, rather embarrassed now at his 'little' outburst.  
"So I'm not going to die?" Portman/Connie chuckled "Sadly no"  
For the next half hour or so, Portman/Connie patiently explained to Connie/Portman the female version of puberty.  
"So you get what a uterus is now?" she asked. "Yeah, thanks, I feel better now, I think I'll go to bed"  
"Ok, good night Portman" The phone went dead and Portman/Connie shook her head, sighing.  
"Boys!" she exclaimed to herself, and then chuckled at the irony in her words.  
  
A/n: Please review!!! 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: The mighty ducks belong to Disney.  
  
A/n: Thankyou so much for the reviews, it's so great that you're enjoying my story. Yeah, yeah, I know it's been a while since I've updated, oh well, hope you like this chapter. Please review!  
  
Connie/Portman awoke the next morning drenched in a cold sweat. His heart was racing uncontrollably, his cheeks were tear stained and his eyes darted wildly around the unfamiliar surroundings.  
He had just had the weirdest dream, he and Connie had bumped into each other at training and they had switched.  
He stopped in mid thought and looked down, a defeated groan escaping his lips.  
He sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes, half savouring the fact that no one would ever know just how much he was enjoying wearing Connie's silk, pink Hello Kitty pyjamas, half grumpy and irritable with a strong urge to stay lying around in bed all day watching soapie reruns and munching on chocolate. He yawned and stretched, kicking the bed covers off and swinging his legs onto the floor.  
He took a few steps forward before groaning again; mentally giving himself a jolly ol' smack for all the times he had ever blamed Connie and Julie's anger or irritation on PMS. These stomach cramps were amongst the worst pain he'd ever felt, god knows how Connie dealt with them every month, he made a mental note to give her more credit when and if he got back into his own body.  
"Owww" he groaned, clutching his tummy, then stiffened and straightened up quickly, clenching his fists tightly.  
He shook his head in attempt to clear it of the thoughts. "C'mon Portman" he mumbled to himself. "Be a man, work through the pain, uggh, you ARE the pain, c'mon, be a man"  
He straightened up with a slight grin on his face, having at least slightly regained control of the situation.  
He glanced at Connie's bedside clock which read 9:30. Connie/Portman's smile widened into a coy grin.  
'Ok, half an hour until I have to go meet Connie' he thought to himself, pulling open Connie's top drawer and pulling out a lacy pair of black panties.  
'But first, a long deserved shower'.  
  
****  
Portman/Connie gaped, eyes bulging as Connie/Portman walked into Mickey's dining car. She wasn't the only one.  
When he spotted Portman/Connie he smiled and strutted confidently over to her.  
"Hey" he drawled slowly. "Aba, awa, a wha" Portman Connie stuttered, looking Connie/Portman up and down, a look of disgust plastered on her face.  
"You like?" asked Connie/Portman innocently looking down at his choice of attire for the day. A tight, figure hugging, belly showing black button up t-shirt, a short, short, beyond short, red tartan pleated skirt. Connie's long hair was loose and flowing down Connie/Portman's back and he stood tall in knee high black lace up boots.  
"I found these little numbers at the back of your closet" he added, eyebrows raised playfully.  
"Abe, I wha a wah" stuttered Portman/Connie, before swallowing hard and exclaiming.  
"WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING PORTMAN?" "Well"  
"Shut up Portman, ok did my MOTHER let you go out in that?" "Well"  
"SHUT UP!" she exclaimed heatedly. "You've made me look like prostitute; you may as well go hang out on a street corner and offer sexual favours to smelly old men for money"  
Connie/Portman shrugged, as if he was considering it. "Ok" he turned and began to walk away.  
"Portman sit!" said Portman/Connie icily and Connie/Portman obeyed immediately.  
"And please, next time do not take my attempt at sarcasm so seriously"  
"I'll try" Portman/Connie glared at him and Connie/Portman laughed slightly.  
"Ok, ok, relax, I don't see why you're so worked up, I mean, dude, you have a GREAT body, big tits, nice ass, what more could a red blooded male teenager stuck in a girls body for an indefinite amount of time ask for?"  
Portman/Connie blushed and rolled her eyes. "Shut up Portman"  
Connie/Portman grinned widely. "Why is it that you find it so hard to believe, Connie, you're god dam hot"  
"All right all right, whatever, but speaking of good bodies, Portman, do you work out or something? I mean, your six pack is like WHOA"  
"THANKYOU!" exclaimed Connie/Portman. "I DO work out, I can't believe you noticed"  
"Oh, how could I not" squealed Portman/Connie wide eyed before coughing slightly and clearing her throat.  
"I mean, umm uhh, what are we going to do?" Connie/Portman looked thoughtful for a moment, wrinkling his brow.  
"Well, to be honest with you Connie, I don't see that there is very much we can do"  
Portman/Connie groaned, but stopped as she caught sight of the clock. "SHIT!" she exclaimed standing up.  
"I, I mean YOU, have a date with Guy, in like 20 minutes?" Connie/Portman snorted and began shaking his head slowly.  
"No. No way, there's no way I am going on a date with Guy" "Please!"  
"NO" "Oh come on, you can't just ignore Guy the whole time you're in my body, just the one date PLEASE, I'll do anything"  
Connie/Portman considered for a moment. "Anything?"  
"ANYTHING!" "All right" drawled Connie/Portman.  
"I'll go, IF and only if, you don't get mad that I went against your wishes and took a shower, a long one, a naked one"  
Portman/Connie's face clouded over into a scowl, but then she sighed dejectedly.  
"All right, I'm not mad, I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that you had fun in the shower, now will you please go?"  
Connie/Portman rolled his eyes. He stood up slowly and begun to turn around but Portman/Connie grabbed his arm.  
"Ok, but before you go I need you to go home and CHANGE?" "Aww, why, you don't think Guy will like the outfit?"  
"No. I think Guy will love the outfit and that's the problem. I think Guy will love the outfit, in fact I think he will love the outfit so much that the outfit will give him the wrong idea if you know what I mean and I know this will make me sound like a selfish old cow, but I would much, much rather be present at the time when I lose my virginity"  
  
A/n: Please review! And once again, sorry for not updating in ages. 


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